Why do I do this blog?

A lot of the time, I feel scared to put up a drawing on the blog. A lot of the time, I don't feel I have work that is good enough to be publicly available, or I just haven't drawn anything at all that day.

When I started the blog, this was all part of my plan. I wanted to get inured to the self-conciousness and fear of making my work public (did you know people who try to work while experiencing performance anxiety do work that is 20% worse than when they are not experinecing performance anxiety?). The cure for this seems to be to perform so regularly that performance anxiety disappears (or just a new normal). So posting five images a week seemed like a reasonable way of constantly getting over this anxiety, a path to feeling less anxious about exhibiting.

This drawing above, from Myself in the Car, was one I hated posting. I wouldn't have done any drawing that day if I didn't have a blog to feed, so I pushed myself to do this while waiting for my daughter. The drawing is quite messy and I definitely am not looking the best, but there wasn't anything else to post, so up it went. It was definitely an experience of performance anxiety.

So it was really special when Mary Mc Callum commented on this drawing "Helen, I love this. You can see the tiredness in your eyes. And the intelligence. I like how the frame (the rear vision mirror) changes the image within. But it's more than that - this image is deeply affecting - it occurs to me so many women spend so much of their day in cars - and the only true glimpse they might have of themselves all day might be like this..."

I guess learning to expose a little bit more of yourself than you want to is a necessarypart of the process.

2 comments:

  1. Dear Helen - glad to hear my comment made you feel better about posting your terrific drawing - it's a surprise sometimes what people respond to isn't it? I feel the same way about some of the poems that I post. Often, as you say, it's the reader sensing the rawness and vulnerability that draws them in. Sometimes it's that you touch a nerve in the reader or express something they have experienced too. All of the above was true for me. I still love this drawing -

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  2. Helen, me again - I've posted a story that fits your drawing - any chance I could post the drawing with it? link to your blog? here's the link: http://mary-mccallum.blogspot.com/2011/06/lashes-super-short-story-with-moral.html

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